“Earlier we just, we were just looking at 2 people and feeling insecure. Today, we look at 200 people and feel insecure. We can look at 2000 people’s Instagram stories and feel insecure. So earlier, nobody got to see that. We were in our own lives. Lives were private. Lives were private and lives were meant to be private. That’s how we live our lives”
Above statement by Gaur Gopal Das really struck a chord with me and was quite insightful. It led me to ponder the question: “Should we compare ourselves to others or not?” Most of the literature I’ve come across advises against comparing ourselves to others, but there are few perspectives on the flip side as well. As I contemplated these ideas, I wanted to share some of the thoughts that popped into my head with you.
Comparisons are, in many ways, inevitable. People naturally compare themselves to others, and as Gaur Gopal Das suggests, this can lead to increasing levels of insecurity.
For instance, when times are tough, and everyone seems to be leaving the country, how many of us rethink our decisions based on what we see others doing on social media? I’ve noticed some of my friends worrying about not being able to upgrade their luxuries as soon as their friends do an upgrade.
We also frequently compare items like shoes, shirts, watches, perfumes, handbags, and more. Sometimes, we compare our position on the corporate ladder, our qualifications, the package we get, our ability to go on leisure trips etc. I would like to name this as “Materialistic Qualities.”
Comparison is a natural human tendency, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. The key question is: What happens after the comparison? Often, people compare “Materialistic Qualities” with those “who have more” (in their perception). If this comparison inspires and motivates them, that’s excellent. However, if it leads to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, that’s the challenge.
I’d like to introduce another dimension called “Inner Qualities”. “Inner Qualities” are different from “Materialistic Qualities”. In that they are more intrinsic and inherent within individuals.
Some of these qualities include selflessness, kindness, generosity, love, loyalty and honesty. When people naturally compare themselves, where do you think they benchmark these “Inner Qualities”?
Interestingly, I’ve observed many people comparing some of these “Inner Qualities” in themselves favorably against others, which can be contradictory to their behavior regarding “Materialistic Qualities” For instance:
Have you ever heard comments similar to below?
- Politicians have stolen more money than anyone else, so it’s okay for me to do this (They are better than politicians and it’s justifiable)
- Everyone throws garbage on the road; I don’t do it every day. so it’s okay only for today (They are better than the people throw garbage everyday and it’s justifiable)
- We have plenty of work to do, and we don’t need to look after stray dogs. They claim it’s kindness and love, but they’re running a business. (They have different priorities and people who look after stray dogs have ulterior motives.)
- We don’t need to be so committed because it’s not our own company. Not everyone is committed, so an 8-to-5 job is more than enough (not everyone is doing. Justifiable)
I invite you to reflect on your own experiences. Have you observed people fervently pursuing “Materialistic Qualities” while not giving the same level of commitment to benchmarking against the best “Inner Qualities” of others?
Most of the time, people try to justify their behaviors and assuming that they have better qualities than others.
Imagine if people pursued “Inner Qualities” with the same passion and determination they invest in chasing after “Materialistic Qualities”. The world, particularly Sri Lanka, would likely be a more loving, kind, collaborative, honest, and happier place to live in.
I believe it’s high time for us to reconsider what we should be comparing. If we can strive to become more compassionate, loving, kind, and generous (etc.), while we pursue materialistic goals as well, we could bring the change we desire and build better places for us to live.
Just a thought!
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Charitha Bandara is an HR Professional with more than 23+ years of corporate exposure, specializes & passionate in the areas of Service Excellence/Life Skills, Leadership, Management, Team, People Development/Coaching/Culture etc.
As a trainer & a consultant, he has conducted 1,000+ corporate training sessions during last 15 years and trained over 66,000+ participants.
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